Stress is the gap between Intention and Action

Dealing with it is simple, but not easy

The past couple of weeks have been stressful for me.

We were getting some minor construction work done at home, and instead of the planned 10 days, it took 1 month.

For a month, the house was turned upside down. That's problematic for someone working from home. Eventually, I started working from the nearby Starbucks.

While I was able to manage office work, all my personal projects went for a toss. Not being able to work on them was stressing me out.

I knew the exact cause, but I could do little about it.

Now that the construction work is done, I can do all my work in peace. The stress caused by the construction project is gone, but something new will eventually take its place.

To deal with Stress, it’s helpful to understand what causes it at the general level.

What is the cause behind any stress?

For things in your control

Here's my theory -

For things in your control, Stress is the gap between Intention and Action. It is the gap between what you planned to do, and what you actually did

We can show this as a simple diagram.

Stress visualized

If your intention was to start your own business, but you never take any action to make it a reality, that will weigh on your mind and stress you over the years.

The magnitude of the gap between action and intention determines your stress.

The further you stray from your intended goals, the more stressed you will be. Why you strayed away from your intended goals does not matter much.

In the above case, even though working on my personal projects was in my control, I couldn't do it because I had to deal with the construction work first.

Your stress is proportional to your distraction (from your goals)

This more sinister kind of stress is procrastination on your goals. It can be a slow burning chronic stressor. Never rising high enough to force you to take action, but weighing down on you over the years.

The more you avoid the things that you know you should be doing, the more it can add up over time and lead to more stress.

To reduce stress for things in your control, I think there are only 2 things we can do

1. Do the thing you intended to do (avoid distractions!)
2. Change your intention to match what you are doing.

Alternatively, not having any goals is also an option (though that has its own challenges)

For things outside your control

Stress is the gap between expectation and results

What compounds this stress is not knowing what the results¹ will be.

Uncertainty of results causes stress

Every student faces this stress until the results are out.
Every person working on a big launch or a big presentation faces this stress.
Every person pursuing something meaningful faces this stress.

Uncertainty is a force multiplier for stress

We know this kind of stress as pressure. The pressure to perform well.

At its core, this pressure is the uncertainty and worry that you might not get the results you desire.

If you don't care about the results, the gap between your expectations and results will always be zero and you won’t be stressed.

While this works in theory, in practice, you will always care about something and someone. And there will always be times when the results don't match your expectations.

What can we do then to avoid this stress?

Nothing.

You can’t avoid it. The best we can do is manage it.

We must deal with it however best we can on our own.

The Bhagavad Gita offers us timeless advice on dealing with expectations and results.

You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction.

- Bhagavad Gita Chapter 2, Verse 47

Tennis legend Billie Jean King also offers some perspective:

"Pressure is a privilege....Usually, if you have tremendous pressure, it's because an opportunity comes along." She remembers thinking about the phrase on Centre Court at Wimbledon, realising that she had been dreaming about this moment and feeling a lot of pressure. Even then, she could appreciate how incredible it was to be standing there. "Most of the time... if you really think about it… usually, it's a privilege.”

Stress is something all of us have to deal with, whether we like it or not.

But if we can understand it a bit better, we can diminish its power to affect us and deal with stress much more effectively.

1. Just as uncertainty over results causes Stress, uncertainty around goals and not knowing what you want to do with your life also causes stress. I presume the 'quarter-life and mid-life crises are partial manifestations of this stress.